Wednesday, 12 February 2014

It's the SMALL things

For the second time I'm joining in with Cas's linky but adding my own, unique, warped sense of humour to it. And a touch of Thompson reality. 

The focus of the link-up is to give recognition to the small things in life which, whilst often barely noticeable if you are totally caught up in the coping and managing of life can making the difference - the immeasurably large yet essentially tiny difference between skimming along the surface or disappearing beneath.

This week, I could have focused on the small but hugely significant event happening this Friday. After nearly six years A's feeding tube is coming out. But given that he is actually extremely apprehensive about it and we have been deliberating it for months it doesn't really qualify. 

Then yesterday, whilst struggling for the umpteenth time to pick up son #2 from a friend taking both twins in the car I had a lightbulb moment. Resigned to the fact that transporting children subscribes to the cabbage/goat/fox problem where there is only one possible combination or children function at quantum level. Which is actually really, really small.


All the Small Things - MummyNeverSleeps

So what on EARTH can something so ridiculously simple as getting children into and out of a car have to do with Quantum Theory? (You've obviously not met my children...) Maybe you have only one or two small people to herd, or have mastered the art of timed embarkation, but here we are still firmly at Stage 1, yet to learn the secret of Travel without Fighting. Actually, that would probably be Stage 2 or even 3. Entering the Vehicle without Parental Trauma would probably be a more appropriate Stage 1, which we are currently working on.

Don't get me wrong, we've made progress. It's been a good few years months weeks since someone was actually hurt in the process and we have now progressed to Noise Control. This is proving to be a tricky module to master and no amount of cajoling, incentivising or threatening is yet to work. Our driveway acts like a megaphone too, the early morning school run is probably all our neighbour needs by way of an alarm clock. And just as you think everyone is IN the car, and you turn your back to lock the door - they all fall out again.

What IS it with cars?? 

So last night I managed eventually to load the twins into the car. 

Book to read? Check.
Torch to see by (and shine in Mummy's eyes?) Check.
DVD? (We are ONLY going FIVE MINUTES down the road for goodness sake!!!) CHECK.
Pencil to jab sister with? Check.
Coats, as it's raining? No Chance. 
Shoes? Um. No. Slippers any good?

We arrive at H's friend's house, and really I only have to ring the doorbell and collect him. There is NO need to unload children. But no, no amount of parental emphasis on this point was sustained, because you see what I did there? I rang the doorbell. I TOOK MY EYE OFF THE BALL. Or rather the children. Same thing.

And that was my lightbulb moment.

It seems that children only behave when you have your eye on them. Like the unwatched electron they descend into chaos when unwatched. Chaos everywhere. The very small but very significant reality that is subatomic level physics. Or as my geeky husband put it 

"Unobserved twins become entangled in a superposition of naughty states, from which it can sometimes take several hours to collapse the wave function" #geekyphysicsjoke

So there you have it. Clearly every good parenting manual needs to have a chapter on Quantum Mechanics. (And that second pair of eyes teachers are supposed to have in the back of their heads might just come in handy!)



Which leaves me with one important question. If you DO take your eyes of your children, and chaos ensues, but no one - not even you witness it...... Did it really happen?  !!
 #RealityAvoidance






34 comments:

  1. Brilliant - it's so true. Quietness is never a good thing! I remember POD going quiet when she was supposed to be napping. She managed to get a large tub of Sudocrem off the shelf and was liberally applying it everywhere!

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  2. LOL so very true! I like your theory that if you didn't see it, it didn't happen!

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  3. Oh i have this all to come. My toddler has been having a lot of quiet moments recently....

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  4. Fantastic! I wish that it were true that but the tears and the mess usually testament to chaos having occurred :-)

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  5. "Book to read? Check.
    Torch to see by (and shine in Mummy's eyes?) Check.
    DVD? (We are ONLY going FIVE MINUTES down the road for goodness sake!!!) CHECK.
    Pencil to jab sister with? Check.
    Coats, as it's raining? No Chance.
    Shoes? Um. No. Slippers any good?"

    Oh my goodness. This is so true! The coats and shoes/slippers scenario did make me chuckle! :o)

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  6. So true. My lot were quietly playing an unsupervised game of monopoly tonight (for all of 10 minutes) then all hell broke lose!

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  7. Great post and I totally relate!

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  8. If mine are quiet then they are up to no good 'fact!

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  9. Brilliant! I can barely keep track of my two and one of them hasn't even learnt to move. Thanks for making me smile.

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  10. When it's quiet you worry. Oh,and who needs appropriate footwear or clothing...

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  11. Lol! I knew the answer to the whole Universe and everything lay in quantum physics!

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  12. The shoes bit!! We go out in our wellies quite a lot. Now I feel like I have been caught out :') lol! x

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  13. If you didn't see it it didn't happen...walk swiftly away..tum de dum. I'm all for denial lol!

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  14. Oh dear - I have to say I think I was a bit of a terror as a kid as well! x

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  15. So true........If you ever find that second pair of eyes, please let me know

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  16. Eyes in the back of our head - we all need them!

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  17. Very true! lol, lovely picture :) x

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  18. haha yes always beware of quietness! x

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  19. Your post is spot on... especially coat and a shoes part... oh hey... kids will be kids

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  20. Ha! I love your logic. Trouble is, even when I can't see it, I can hear it...

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  21. Great post and very true.. For 2 minutes my brain says "Ahh.. peace and quiet"

    2 minutes later it springs into life with the realisation that they'll be climbing the curtains or trying to put glitter in the fish tank.

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  22. Haha! Excellent post! As long as my little boy is shouting and singing at the top of his voice... I know he's not painting the toilet with my favourite nail polish... ;) Who said silence was golden?! Thanks so much for joining in!

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  23. When my kids are quiet they are usually reading when its noisy it build s and builds tillit all goes pear shaped!

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  24. And they only want you as soon as you pick up the phone..... :)

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  25. Ooooh yes this is SO familiar with me this half term!

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  26. I am liking your theory, if we didn't see it happen does it really count?!?

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  27. Love the theory! When my son was a baby I nannied for my sister and used to regularly end up with him in a backpack 2 year old twins in a push chair and a 3 1.2 year old on reins on the tube in London - and people wonder why I'm unhinged in my later years!

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  28. Excellent piece of writing, this reminds me of when my daughter was young and had friend to play. They asked if they could play at dressing up a harmless activity one would think. Ummm no I found both the girls reeking of my most expensive chanel perfume and my best lipstick plastered over their pretty faces totally ruined!!!

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  29. Kids plus silence = trouble!!! Beware.:)

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  30. Brilliant! D quite often begs me to leave him in the car rather than take him out when I'm doing something short - and with all the unbuckling and buckling it is VERY tempting.

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  31. even with a 9yr age gap I can remember the days well :)

    BlogClub x

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  32. ah, I had mine years apart, but chaos still ensues with any car journey!

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