H1N1 swine flu - the new "Man flu"?

So Swine Flu has reached our part of the world. It was bound to happen, the UK ranks currently in the top three countries for cases reported and given the global nature of our society no-one should be shocked about this. It is, nonetheless, a little alarming to hear friends suddenly coming down with the virus and to receive letters home from schools informing us about their cases. What I find difficult to understand however, is the mass hysteria permeating at all levels in response to the trickle of information and ridiculous "catch it and bin it" Nanny State advice offerings in the media. 

'Flu is a normal part of the modern world. We have been fortunate (so far)and whilst the virus in this pandemic has proved to be highly infectious, as is so often the case with such viruses it is also extremely mild. Thankfully the vast majority of us have little to fear from almost any strain but precaution is well advised. 

Do we *really* need a "cut out and keep" advice flow chart about Swine 'flu? We are well used to children at schools contracting 'flu and other viruses and rarely is there any need to alert the whole community to every sick child or insist on children staying at home long after recovering from what is - for most - a bad cold. This panicked over-reaction is surely inappropriate when those who have come into contact are advised to carry on as normal? How on earth does keeping the potentially affected patient at home whilst endorsing normal interaction of other household members within the community add up? The worldwide attempt at containment failed completely, so any further attempts to isolate suspected cases are completely pointless. And I use the words "potentially affected" since anyone with any experience of NHS Direct will know full well how difficult over the phone diagnosis is. The symptom list associated with Swine 'flu is in common with the vast majority of community illnesses. 

We are caught up in the hysteria generated by a government desperate to appear to be holding it all together and doing something useful, and a World Community ashamed of their pathetic lack of intervention in the financial crisis, keen to be seen to be ticking all the boxes on this one.... but really, I think resources need to be directed into preparation for worse, and propagating the sensible advice of many years ago. Keep calm and carry on.

Cars – who’d have them?

It is a mystery of modern living that my car seems to spend almost as much time at the garage as it does on the road. OK, this may be something of an exaggeration but over the years since I first owned a car of my own they have all developed minor fault after minor fault in rapid succession. I have always felt it better to purchase nearly new rather than an older vehicle in the hope of avoiding major problems but the less serious ones are just as irritating! The first step is to find a child free slot to get the problem assessed…. Not easy since there is never any guarantee No.2 son will even stay in school if he gets there. 

Taking him with me is not an option – his screaming and wailing does sometimes prompt some action but is painfully embarrassing, and to be honest forcing a child who has no concept of time to wait is verging on child abuse and is most definitely parent abuse. R has been known to attempt an MOT “While U Wait” appointment with H in tow but learned the hard way taking a day off work to accomplish this is by far the easier option… 

So I get to the garage and after the usual trivialities get the car assessed. It’s nearly always something to do with the electronics and they can rarely find the problem. Their computer can’t find an error log….. and of course they NEVER have the necessary parts. Next comes the highly amusing task of explaining that their tiny run-around loan car is not going to cut it for a family with four children, three of whom are in car seats and one of whom ideally needs a straight jacket or at the very least a third row of seats to be safely transported. I usually have to wait until R is home, or I can enlist sufficient help to leave the younger two behind when delivering and collecting the car. 

The latest problem was the parking sensors. When you put the car into reverse they started and never stopped. The kids had a field day at my expense and my parking ability rating has plummeted according to them. Cries of “Mummy, you must be hitting something” did nothing for my nerves, less for my judgement and I’m not sure the innocent “Well done Mummy!” from the younger two made the stress worthwhile when we did successfully park. 

I had to chuckle yesterday however, when A got out of the car, looked at me very seriously and said “Mummy, I’m very pleased with you!” Praise indeed - but I hadn’t the heart to tell him I had turned the blasted sensors off before parking!! All fixed now – until the next time!

The bargaining power of a fruit pastille.

It is certainly true that scarcity breeds desire for many things and that is certainly true in our house. Take the average fruit pastille. I imagine if I had some to hand regularly at home their presence would have no impact whatsoever, but the mere suggestion of producing one can persuade the twins to perform wondrous U-turns in behaviour that only toddlers are capable of.

Today was ballet - something the pair of them have raved about and practised daily at home since their first trial lesson. Now they have the uniform and are fully paid up members of the dance school however A had other ideas. Unless he could dance in his Cinderella dress he wasn't playing ball. Not for anything would he put on the black T shirt and shorts he had coveted so much a fortnight ago. In a moment of guile and cunning I suggested H might like a tube of fruit pastilles from the cafe bar whilst K danced.... and we were in business. One fruit pastille later and the promise of another after his lesson and A was changed and in the hall. Perfect. Only problem then was persuading H that he couldn't eat the rest of the packet before the lesson ended.......

Parenting, in my opinion, is 99% mind games and 1% organisation. Perhaps a little else - but not much! Trying to keep on top of the needs, wants and demands of four kids is no mean feat, but I have a little world class expert in mind battles to contend with here. H, with a diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome, can reduce the toughest parent to a heap of jelly with his relentless arguing, repetitive demands and escalating volume. Personally I think Barney videos at Guantanamo Bay were waaaay over-rated as a form of mental torture - life with an Aspie is often MUCH higher up the scale of mental olympics. Imagine gradually "coming to" at 5am to the sound of someone yelling (at an ever-increasing volume) the morning's explanation of their current state. It's usually "I'm not going to school!" followed by "You can't make me!" etc which is in fact (I believe) designed to wear you down before you have a chance of a positive start. From then on in it's negotiation at the highest level.... in fact Sir Alan would be really impressed by his unswerving dedication to the chosen topic and his ruthless persuasive technique. What worries me is we end up only partially listening and finding we have agreed to trampolining at midnight or similar! But then being allowed more than 5-6 hours sleep would give parents an unfair advantage....

Sadly fruit pastilles rarely cut it for H, unless offered in bulk. His preferred carrot is always more expensive, and usually something to do with Pokemon. I did try offering a single card each time but somehow without realising it had given in to offering a whole pack in one go. The makers of Pokemon certinaly knew what they were doing too - designed to perfectly appeal to every child (and adult!) on the Autism Spectrum in every way. GAME store owners across the country rub their hands together in glee when a new Pokemon game is released, knowing full well it isn't an option to buy for many but an essential, spawning numerous Youtube monologues offering walk-thru advice which H actually sits and listens to whilst playing the game on his console. It's so much more than "just a game" for these kids, and like A's fruit pastille, the creators understand only too well that rarity breeds desire. Each and every pack of cards will be largely full of worthless duplicates whilst the "Super Rare" Pokemon remain elusive and few and far between.

Now, if I could lay my hands on the "Super Rare" Pokemon fruit pastille equivalent I really would be getting somewhere. Whoever said "knowledge is power" hadn't spent a 12 hour day attempting to bargain with a 7 year old Aspie, or indeed the majority of under tens on the planet. What it all boils down to most of the time is holding that super rare fruit pastille or the Pokemon everyone is looking for....

A plague of euphemisms

Toddler-Speak is so funny......

All four of our children have in their time come up with some highly amusing (and at times pretty damn clever) alternative terms as young children will. From "Hot Boots" for slippers, going for a "Bike-Walk" ie a bike ride with Daddy, to the more extreme "Woomarrer" (Sp???!) for Lawnmower (A) and "Coconut Vegetables" for, well, just about anything (H) we now have quite an extensive Thompson nomenclature. So extensive is it that R and I can be found chuckling to ourselves most days using a totally alternative Thompson dialect. The current favourite is the absurd "Woomarrer" word for lawnmower, spawning "Extreme Woomarrer-ing" for a variety of mowing techniques. Bizarre I know, but you had to be there. Honestly.

On a more serious note it occured to me how so many groups in society are now guilty of the same thing. Certainly my IT Director husband knows "Geek Speak" or "Tecchie Babble" or whatever you want to call it, and the ridiculous jargon used in business to "flag up" the main issues and tackle the "low-hanging fruit"...( Or "High hanging vegetables" according to A which could even be extrapolated to high-hanging coconut vegetables if desperate but like I said, it's a Thompson thing.) This surge of social dialects is transforming society. Regional dialects still exist of course but the population is so mobile now they are considerably diluted. Social dialects like business "Firmware" can seem exclusive and elitist, affirming your membership of whichever "club" you are in. But how to break in to the clique in the first place? It must be like arriving in deepest Yorkshire from Kent a hundred years ago - or the other way around. The same is true on the internet, social networking sites like Facebook have spawned hundreds of new euphemisms, terms, and alternative descriptions. Our current need to redefine everything we come into contact with goes deep and our daily interaction with modern technology has precipitated a lot of this.

So is social networking replacing economics and geography in providing our language, customs and mannerisms? Certainly the internet has a lot to answer for, Facebook for one has transformed how many of us keep in touch, superseding even texting for many as a "one-stop interaction shop". It's a bit dry and cerebral though, I'm not sure a cyber hug makes such an impact as a real one but then so few of us have time for more on an average day. The virtual gifts of coffee and alcohol are tasteless but sin-free, the thought was there but the enjoyment was definitely not.

Whether it is through work or play there is no doubt there has been a huge surge in social dialects - in their creation and use. Ironically one of the side effects of this is isolation and the growth of new barriers in society. Instead of finding it incredibly difficult to get a job in a local or family firm the task is no easier, just different. Instead a knowledge and degree of understanding of appropriate nomenclature is essential - or you don't stand a chance. Breaking into a new social group, now often on the internet, poses similar difficulties. Many's the time I have abandoned a new discussion forum because I don't feel I "fit in".

What it boils down to is this. Human beings are essentially a small group species. Challenge and redefine the Venn Diagram boundaries of society and society will come up with new ones. But it's important not to forget that the newer, possibly less obvious frontiers are no less prohibitive to those on the other side. We haven't actually come very far in terms of creating an open society, and I'm not sure that is what human beings are designed to do, however fashionable the idea may be. Why else are we still teaching adults to work together like our toddlers at home? Are we banging our heads on the proverbial brick wall? As R will often quote "There's no "I" in "Team" but there's a "me" if you look hard enough!" Now that IS extreme woomarrering. ;)

Bank Holiday #2

Typically, yesterday was a bit of a Bank Holiday washout - at least it was if you had to spend five hours on the road trailing the (very wet) cold front which seemed to be directly above us virtually all the way down. We arrived home (K, J and I) feeling rather cheated since lots of sunshine had been enjoyed by all down South in our absence. Can't have it all I guess! 

Off we set Friday night, thinking we would avoid Bank Holiday Mayhem, only to discover everyone else had the same plan! Once off the (totally wonderful M6 Toll Road) everything ground to a halt, and although J was able to enjoy waving at everyone as we sat there I had hoped for a slightly more exciting evening. The ipod was dead, and anymore "Jo Jingles" songs or "The Fairy Stories the Fairies tell themselves" and I would have got out and walked. Thankfully the persistent "rubber-necking" plague which affects this country lasted only 6 miles before we could reach a super-speedy 30 mph again. Aaaargh..... 

The roads "Oop North" are a complete mystery to me. Those who think the M25 and it's satellites are slightly manic obviously haven't experienced the M6 around Stafford on a sunny Bank Holiday. Games such as "Catch me if you Can" take on a whole new meaning and the urge to force everyone out of the outside lane come what may can be quite threatening. However the choice between a propellor "wind up" plane from Stansted and driving through motoring hell is not an easy one. Both fill me with fear and dread! 

I had a lovely break though, drank too much wine and had far too little sleep but thoroughly enjoyed catching up with Gabi. Bank Holidays really confuse me though.... I have spent all today convinced it is Monday, which has a knock on effect for the rest of the week! In fact it may well take me all week to catch up, unless A perfects the days of the week and puts me right. It's a current obsession of his to try and get them all in order much to H's annoyance, since he has absolutely NO concept of time himself. The fact that A is expressing a) an interest and b) some level of understanding is incredibly frustrating for H and he considers it easier to shout obscenities than consider the obvious and master them for himself. One day I hope he will gain a working knowledge of Western time-telling without sand timers and visual timetables, but that's some way off yet. 

UPDATE 2018

Whilst H did indeed master the days of the week, he remains undecided about the value of GMT and prefers metric time. It's no less frustrating.

 

Time off = time in lieu

Yay! Another Thursday over... sorry for the delay in posting ;) Life got in the way, as it has a habit of doing. Still, Richard is home early and I have red wine and dark chocolate! Antioxidants now, hangover later..... It's been an odd week. 

Tuesday I enjoyed a fabulous day girlie shopping with lunch in Cambridge, a rare treat! It involved a fair amount of forward thinking and preparation, not least ensuring someone was available at the end of the phone in case of an H emergency. An hour's travelling home just wouldn't cut it if he jumped the gate and left the school premises, or needed three members of staff to restrain him again! 

K and A stayed at nursery for the day (there were FOUR lunch bags out on the worktop on Tuesday morning, how cute was that??) and I had a whole day to myself. 

I should point out the chance of such a treat actually happening is rather low. Firstly with four children there is always a good chance one will be ill. Or forget something important en route and feel very ill making you ridiculously late because you have to succumb to their pleas to go home and get homework/sports kit/blazer..... insert your own option. It also requires H to take his Ritalin early enough to actually calm down and agree to go to school, which is always easier since you can still go in the outfit you started in once he's been firmly deposited in his classroom. 

Problem is, "Me Time" can rather go to your head. It's like alcohol, if you aren't used to it and it hits hard. Tuesday was a really good, smooth merlot drunk rather too fast.... (I told you Tuesday was a good day, right?) I turned out of Harry's school (the last drop off point for all four) with Maroon 5 cranked up on the radio and my shades on. Coffee en route? (I decided not since caffeine + freedom high would be just a bit more than I could take at 9.15am. ) The roads were clear, the faulty parking sensors turned off and the sun was shining. What more could you ask for? 

It was a great day, I spent too much and LOVE my new bag... but I have paid for the time off since. My tired toddlers (whom you would think might sleep well after their first full day at nursery) decided sleep deprivation is a fair punishment for too much maternal free-time. They loved having lunch at school though and want to do it again, but I'm slightly less keen after the extreme stroppiness of the past two days after far too little sleep. (And that could be read as them OR me lol) 

Harry has given me possibly the toughest 48 hours for a long time and the benefits of my day off are rapidly ebbing away.... ..... so it's just as well I've got a WHOLE WEEKEND off starting tomorrow since J, K and I are off to Manchester to stay with a friend and R is home all next week to help with the fallout after. SO I'm high as a kite and excited as hell that I get such a cool break, although I have the obligatory pebbles in my shoes to assuage the compulsory guilt I can assure you! 

Don't you love holidays?

The wheel of life

Another Thursday over, thank goodness. 

There is something innately frustrating about Thursdays. Not quite the weekend but tantalisingly close and for some inexplicable reason always loaded with maximum stress for all concerned. It's as if someone decreed long ago that being "almost the weekend" it was a fair bet that Thursday would be a good candidate for making all the jobs, tasks, activities, responsibilities least likely to appeal more acceptable. A "best option" for clearing down "To Do" lists and cramming in children's after (and during) school classes since it isn't in prime position in the week. 

After all, on Monday we're still recovering from the weekend, whether it is a post-socialising alcohol fuelled type of recovery of the young or the total exhaustion after quality time with the children sort. 

Tuesday is for the nice things in life because there is most of the week left to procrastinate over the less pleasant options. 

Wednesday, Richard insists, is "almost the weekend" but here we disagree. Wednesday is neither one thing or the other, it's really difficult to summon any motivation at all. 

Thursday on the other hand, well...... with the weekend looming large I need to empty the ironing basket (assuming the washing got done on a Wednesday lacking in motivational "oomph") plan the meals, clean out the hamsters, tidy up and hope I can get finished by the end of Friday. Why I have this "Thursday feeling" is beyond me to be honest - it's just NOT a good "day candidate" in our house for a start. As mentioned everything else is on Thursday so there is less time for action on the home front. All swimming lessons happen to be on a Thursday - always have been, in fact when I was teaching swimming the lessons were on Thursday too. (Anyone know whether it is National swimming lesson day or is that an East Anglian phenomenon?!) I barely have half an hour in the house at any point during the day yet enforce this ridiculous timetable of tasks on myself in preparation for the weekend. In my defence both the younger two are now at Nursery on Thursday mornings, but this actually makes the situation worse because I have OPTIONS. Not good. I manage to cram every Thursday morning with all the more complicated out of house tasks too. Meetings (and oh boy do we have a LOT of those.) , prescription collection (actually we have a lot of those too...) and food shopping. Vet trips and garage appointments. 

So on the whole, Thursday is NOT a good day for me. My husband insists it is traditionally a really good day for him because it was "Blue Peter" day, not to mention "Top of the Pops" and some other programme of the seventies which featured large in his life. I'm not buying it. Unless I can persuade Wednesday to take on the tasks currently allocated to Thursday in exchange for a healthy dose of procrastination going the other way my mind's made up. Thursdays never were meant to be easy, the business world has understood this for years and every week they troop out of work early on Thursday and head to the pubs and clubs to recover. 

Of course, there are always exceptions. Today my car DID have an appointment at the garage but I managed a leisurely brunch at a nearby pub/restaurant with my Mum whilst it was there. Of course that left only half a Thursday with the full quota of stuff left to deal with but it was SO
worth it. The chance to chat for more than two minutes and sit down in peace and quiet with a coffee probably belonged on a Tuesday but it was greatly appreciated. The croissants were pretty good too! Yum.