Ten Top Tips for your Husband when he's left in Charge.

Now before anyone thinks I'm off on a "Jolly", this is more "essential maintenance" in the form of a hospital trip, with child in tow. My annual weekend escape is usually booked for August, and despite halving the number of (furry) dependents in the household since my last trip, the human ones are still remarkably needy and intensely dislike being abandoned for too long.

My husband is fab, always quick to encourage me out but perhaps less committed to taking on the daunting mantle of motherhood once I've left the house. I therefore leave detailed notes, meals labelled in the fridge, emergency supplies for the ever-hungry teenager and warn all schools business might not be "as usual" for the next couple of days. But together with the written notes are the unspoken "top tips" he knows he is wise to follow.....

1. Do make a note of the number of children you have. It's always advisable to count them in and count them out each time, you never know where one might be hiding. That goes for the furry "children" too ....

2. No you can't get a curry. I haven't spent the past week in the kitchen cooking, freezing and labelling meals safe for everyone to eat (food allergies) for you to now opt out and order in. Temping thought it may be.

3. No the biscuits probably aren't for you. But to be honest I would get them whilst you can. With a teenager in the house they are not likely to still be there in the morning anyway.

4. Your daughter is usually right. As mum-in-training her advice is best sought if you lose the master sheet of instructions. If she doesn't know, she will know whom to ask (Granny) and successfully navigate most disasters. #proudmum

5. Whilst H is not always right, it's best not to let him know that. Unless you have an hour all night to get lectured listen, I find "yes" is usually the best answer. Unless he's asking for a Wifi extension when I find I'm quite hard of hearing.

6."Winging it" is rarely an option. If your daughter doesn't report you, remember women have extra-sensory powers and usually know what happened anyway. Forensics have nothing on us. And yes I will know if you skip after school swimming lessons... Bribery doesn't work either - they will happily smile and take your sweets/money/extra computer time and tell on you anyway. #thatslife

7. School dinners are not £5 a day no matter what they say. Five pounds is the dinner cost plus a stupidity tax levied by children seeking to take advantage of a parent unfamiliar with day to day living costs.

8. There is no Charity Day scheduled for this week either. See above (number 7)

9. Statistically someone will have homework. With four children in school, someone, somewhere will need to be doing something for school. No matter what they tell you. And no, Minecraft doesn't count as homework.

10. DON'T leave the Big Clean-Up until the last minute. I will always be back earlier than you anticipated.

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