5 Common Misconceptions about Christmas

Seriously? Christmas? Already?

Those who know me know I have very mixed feelings about Christmas. I was supremely fortunate to have enjoyed many cosy traditional Christmases as a child and dislike the overtly consumer focussed festivities of today. (Whatever possessed John Lewis to blast Carols in their store yesterday clearly wasn't Christmas Spirit, since it's not even December!) Constantly torn between wanting a "perfect Christmas" and resenting the fact that it's yet another set of tasks and responsibilities I usually spend December flitting between states of anxiety and excitement.....

So what would my advice be for a successful Christmas?

• Know your limits - and your limitations!
• Start early  
• Keep everything low key ... and 
• Acknowledge the common misconceptions that invariably lead to disappointment! 

Failing all that wear a paper bag for the whole of December and pretend its not happening.

5 Common Misconceptions about Christmas

1) It's Merry

This really depends on how well stocked the drinks cupboard is. The true Spirit of Christmas might not be found there but by 1am on Christmas morning - when your little overexcited insomniacs are *finally* asleep - sipping Santa's brandy hardly cuts it.

I find underestimating the distress involved in actually making it to the Big Day is my biggest failing. I peak too early - the Christmas Spirit hits about mid December, but the unbelievable sense of relief when I know everything is done leaves little room for merriment. I'm exhausted, utterly burnt out and stumble incoherently through Christmas Day with or without alcohol!

2) Giving is better than Receiving

Tough one this. I do wholeheartedly agree, since I derive huge pleasure from planning, wrapping and giving gifts at Christmas. But context is essential. I'm not worried whether I receive any wrapped gifts, our family don't really give to adults but receiving a "day off", an invitation to dinner where someone else cooks or an unexpected bottle of Prosecco would win hands down. Every time.


3) It's precious Family Time

This one really makes me smile. In many ways I guess it is, and we've had our chocolate box Christmas moments in our time. But it's only "precious" if "family" is in small doses, carefully spaced and with strictly moderated interaction. And that's the immediate resident family. Adding anyone beyond that needs meticulous consideration as too much exposure to the usual fighting and squabbling that is commonplace here is likely to leave lasting damage. Don't get me wrong, my family love each other dearly - but from a distance, through closed doors and as long as they are not coerced into a long, drawn out meal around the same table.


4) It's the Thought that Counts

I think this one depends hugely on just how well conceived that "thought" was. A last minute "It'll do!" spark at 4.30pm on Christmas Eve is unlikely to count for much at all, but anyone giving serious consideration and bravely going one step beyond socks for him, smellies for her and something from Poundland for the kids (you know who you are!) scores highly in my eyes. Most of us have far too much and want for little, having someone take the time to choose something as a gift is genuinely giving so much more. First World problem it might be, but it's easier to solve than you might think. Give a night's babysitting for a busy family, a hot meal for an elderly neighbour or a week of dog walks to a working couple. For me it's TIME that counts. Thinking counts when it involves consideration of others.


5) It's White

Seriously? WHEN was the last time you had snow at Christmas? Unless you live in Northern Scotland, not many UK readers will have had a "White Christmas" in the past twenty years, the last one I remember was 1993. I mean, who associated the Festive Season with the fluffy wet cold stuff that usually falls in January or February? Or March. Or even April - but not December, or at least not for Christmas. 2010 was snowy, and cold - but all melted on 24th December just in time for Christmas.

I guess the only thing in Christmas's favour is that it's marginally better than New Year. But just don't get me started on that one..... Humbug anyone?

Respite, Recovery, Recuperation.... and RAIN!

At home, this weekend was mostly this.....

Endless rain, flooding and a really narked guinea pig who had set his heart on a nice dry day with his patch of grass. Not one to defer to adult suggestion, and with an opinion worthy of a restrained cat he goes out in most weather - rain being his least favourite.

This weekend we had the wonderful opportunity to escape to a beautiful, brand new log cabin in Dunwich. And getting away from it all was *just* what we needed.

It's been a rough Autumn, far too much going on and no sign of the calm after the proverbial storm, so we seized the opportunity and prayed the rain would stop!

It didn't.

But this -

-was definitely better than sitting at home watching the patio flood yet again!

We managed to fit a huge amount in to our weekend away and returned feeling we had actually "had" a weekend.  You know, that feeling where you suspended reality and did something else, something almost forbidden, taking your eye off the ball to have fun. Sometimes, you just have to stick two fingers up at the ToDo lists, the ironing basket, the cooking.... and run.

It's no easy task getting away with our lot. One doesn't sleep before midnight, one wakes before six every.single.morning and any one of the above could wake during the night. There are a million reasons why staying home is usually easier/preferable/safe and I am the worst culprit (being the key facilitator in all adventures) for deciding it's all too much and we should just batten down the hatches and stay put. 

But that would be to miss out on all the memory making opportunities, the family experiences you can reminisce over in future years -not to mention the joke fodder for the months to come. We've certainly collected a few memories this weekend!

One of our highlights, from yesterday's visit to RSPB Minsmere, has to be our sighting of a Bittern - very rare, and yet so close! Apologies for the poor photograph, sadly I only possess an iPhone camera these days. if you are local, and are yet to visit the reserve is a real treat.

H had us in stitches in one of the hides on the reserve. Whilst admiring a twitcher's £5K 600mm lens he asked him if it's for taking Selfies! That boy's sense of humour is going to get him into trouble one of these days.... But we have all got the bird-watching and photography "bug" and will definitely be back.

So aside from the obvious fact that pretending we don't have a real drainage problem in our back garden, and that we might be starting cold weather rice trials soon in our very own paddy fields, there is the salient fact that sometimes "getting away from it all" is actually all you need to do to feel a million times better. So I would certainly add another "R" to that list - REFUELLED.

A letter to myself ten years hence.

Ever wished you could charter a Time Machine and have a little word with your younger self? You know, maybe warn them that that many candles burning all at once in a biscuit tin on the carpet in your student room was *bound* to end in tears?

No, me neither. It would spoil all the fun.

I mean, knowing the outcome to all those impulsive, frivolous, immature totally EPIC student activities would take the shine off your youth, wouldn't it? Certainly the scarily few frivolous and immature fun activities I enjoyed as a student stood me in good stead. It was the one time in my life I felt "free", whatever that means.

Going back a little earlier..... maybe. A good dose of common sense and "focus on what matters" might have helped during those fragile teenage years, but let's face it, I did pretty well at school and was never going to win any popularity awards.

But how about ten years hence? What pearls of wisdom would a fifty year old me impart to her younger self? I could cheat and ask my other half, having already hit the big 5-0 he claims to have most of - or at least the essential - answers in life. Perhaps not the ability to act on them but knowledge is power, right?

I suspect my letter from the future would go something like this....

Dear Kate,

Calm down.

Yes, the free-from quiche languishing on your kitchen work top with the surface licked off by an over-enthusiastic cat with delusions of her own importance might indeed seem like the end of the world.... but - really? I mean, what ELSE would happen to it? It's not as if the kids are going to EAT it, is it?

There is at least a 90% chance of it ending up in the bin having been prodded and pushed around on the twins' plates as they bemoan the fact that tea isn't more exciting, whereas you just made your furry friend's day. You ROCK. No cat ever had it so good! And let's face it, there is a greater chance of years of consistent affection from the cat than any of the kids - and cats don't answer back!

And whilst we're at it - the cooking. It has to stop. There are umpteen off the shelf alternatives to make your life easier.... the kids are not even the teensiest bit grateful for the ridiculous amount of time and energy you invest in their future health. Short of gorging themselves on Haribo no amount of cheap fillers and additives in the supermarket "free from" food aisle is going to cause too much damage - at least in relation to the bigger problems they are likely to face. Face it, the world has *had* it, and trying to save it one houmous pot at a time is likely to have as much impact as posting pictures of cats on Instagram. At least people like cats.

And on the subject of making your life easier, you need to step back a little. Surprisingly, few people are held back in life by the lack of a second language anymore. Ever heard of Google Translate? Cut yourself some slack, improve the Health and Safety of your son's teachers and let the languages go. Let him drop French and his overall behaviour in school might move back into the yellow.
Green? That might take more of an Act of God. But yellow is a start, yes?

As for all the health cr*p you have going on, I hate to say it, but it isn't going anywhere. You are wasting your time having a nervous breakdown fretting over the various debilitating symptoms so I will let you in to a secret.

There are no answers. Still. Ten years on, no one has a clue. 

Surprised? You shouldn't be. The NHS was going belly-up back in 2014, things are considerably worse now. The light at the end of the tunnel has been well and truly turned off due to budget cuts, but no one's dead yet - and although there is serious room for improvement it could be worse.

Possibly.

My advice? Get across the Pond and get some serious genetic input whilst your husband has a job and his eyesight.

Oh... and that social life you keep hankering after? It will happen. If only because you are trekking round the country helping with the grandchildren. With allergies.

Touché.

Oh BOY. Seventeen Years.

HOW is that even possible??

Yeah I know, that sounds so old. And yes I do remember listening to my Mum when I was younger saying something similar and thinking-

"Yeah, all older people say that, everyone knows time doesn't *really* go that fast!"

But believe me it does.

Seventeen years ago tomorrow I made my way to The Rosie Maternity Hospital in Cambridge for the biggest, most life changing moment in my twenty four years. It was a pretty horrendous twenty four hours, but worth every minute. No really. On November 9th 1997 I became a mother, a Mummy, and took on the best job in the world.

I got lucky too. Seriously lucky. Apart from that first night (which he spent screaming his head off) my eldest is the most easy going, laid back child. No baptism by fire for me - and I blame him totally for the fact that I went on to have three more children as my first experience of motherhood with him was such a straitforward one.

Almost.

Ten Top Tips for your Husband when he's left in Charge.

Now before anyone thinks I'm off on a "Jolly", this is more "essential maintenance" in the form of a hospital trip, with child in tow. My annual weekend escape is usually booked for August, and despite halving the number of (furry) dependents in the household since my last trip, the human ones are still remarkably needy and intensely dislike being abandoned for too long.

My husband is fab, always quick to encourage me out but perhaps less committed to taking on the daunting mantle of motherhood once I've left the house. I therefore leave detailed notes, meals labelled in the fridge, emergency supplies for the ever-hungry teenager and warn all schools business might not be "as usual" for the next couple of days. But together with the written notes are the unspoken "top tips" he knows he is wise to follow.....

1. Do make a note of the number of children you have. It's always advisable to count them in and count them out each time, you never know where one might be hiding. That goes for the furry "children" too ....

2. No you can't get a curry. I haven't spent the past week in the kitchen cooking, freezing and labelling meals safe for everyone to eat (food allergies) for you to now opt out and order in. Temping thought it may be.

3. No the biscuits probably aren't for you. But to be honest I would get them whilst you can. With a teenager in the house they are not likely to still be there in the morning anyway.

4. Your daughter is usually right. As mum-in-training her advice is best sought if you lose the master sheet of instructions. If she doesn't know, she will know whom to ask (Granny) and successfully navigate most disasters. #proudmum

5. Whilst H is not always right, it's best not to let him know that. Unless you have an hour all night to get lectured listen, I find "yes" is usually the best answer. Unless he's asking for a Wifi extension when I find I'm quite hard of hearing.

6."Winging it" is rarely an option. If your daughter doesn't report you, remember women have extra-sensory powers and usually know what happened anyway. Forensics have nothing on us. And yes I will know if you skip after school swimming lessons... Bribery doesn't work either - they will happily smile and take your sweets/money/extra computer time and tell on you anyway. #thatslife

7. School dinners are not £5 a day no matter what they say. Five pounds is the dinner cost plus a stupidity tax levied by children seeking to take advantage of a parent unfamiliar with day to day living costs.

8. There is no Charity Day scheduled for this week either. See above (number 7)

9. Statistically someone will have homework. With four children in school, someone, somewhere will need to be doing something for school. No matter what they tell you. And no, Minecraft doesn't count as homework.

10. DON'T leave the Big Clean-Up until the last minute. I will always be back earlier than you anticipated.

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