Sunday, 4 April 2010

More musings - the importance of being me.

Today we watched "Cloudy with a chance of Meatballs" which I must say was the *last* film I expected to sit through let alone enjoy but the end really got me. How many of us feel constrained by the chains society chooses to impose upon us, half yearning to "fit the mould" and be accepted (and popular) and half desperately seeking the confidence to find the chink of light in the armour we find ourselves in and break free?

At some level most of us are (at some point) irritated by the monotony of life, however chaotic that life may seem to some! The unfolding of day after day of sameness, with the complete lack of recognition as to what might bring welcome change is frustrating and disturbing. The yearning for personal fulfilment is definitely there, but in so many ways I have that already.

So "what next"?
In September all my smalls will be in full time education - although I'm not currently sure about #2 son, I'm considering alternatives as we speak.

Some "me time"? Something for myself?
I'm not sure I'd know what to do with more "me time" to be honest, although more sleep would be a good thing! Even if the slight issue of educating H were resolved to enable me to work I'm not sure I want to.... since I'm extremely fortunate and don't have to take paid employment I think I prefer the unpaid type here at home. I think you lose confidence after years at home and I would certainly find it incredibly difficult no longer being answerable to only myself.

"Extroverted Introvert" Whether that's a real term or not, it definitely describes me. I get a huge amount out of interacting with others (but only within certain parameters) and I have a very real need for regular time alone.

What a good description of me - by the author of a truly excellent Blog "Like a Starfish" if you fancy a good read. I enjoy social interaction - absolutely need it too, but equally I need to get back home, regroup and reassess. I understand me here, who I am and what I do etc - it gets confusing beyond here. In that respect I totally understand H, how a change of routine, environment etc completely throws him. New surroundings challenge you and force you to re-evaluate which can be alarming and overwhelming. At home and amongst those you love it's OK to be yourself.

I guess that's why the very nature of "home" is so critical, and the prolongued consideration of where our next one will be is totally crippling me!!!

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