Wednesday, 6 May 2009

Cynicism inspired by lack of confidence or acceptance of reality?

There is a reason for the title. (of course ;) )
The school + Harry saga continues... which is of course all it is to school and the LEA. To us and to Harry it is so much more. So I should, by rights, refer to the "ongoing struggle to get Harry's educational needs met" instead. Partially met would be a start to be honest!

Although we have avoided any fixed term exclusions this term to date, I am pretty sure this is at least partly because it is pretty damn hard to send a child home for difficulties you have just told the Authority are now (all of a sudden) well managed. If I'm honest, I think the Ritalin/Strattera combination helps but as an unpleasant side effect has increased Harry's anxiety levels along with the small increase in self-awareness. It's slightly easier now to pull him back from the "point of no return"-brink of all hell breaking loose-aggressive outburst stage which is a relief but this just makes it easier to continue ignoring his needs in school. Still, there are HUGE problems raised by the Annual Review and NOT addressed by the new Statement so I am meeting the Head on Friday. I really, really hope I'm wrong but am beginning to feel rather cynical about the whole thing - it's a "done deal" since the LEA aren't going to budge and the Head has been told as much. I hope I AM wrong.

So onto the crisis of confidence...

I was rather fancifully browsing a local council website for teaching jobs... part-time, job-share etc. There was an ideal one at the school next door to my parents', my old primary school in fact! It was a 2 day a week job share and although it was Key Stage 1 (5-7) not 2 (7-11) I thought it was worth a try. (At least I had emergency childcare virtually on-site!!!) I printed the form off and everything, started writing......
...and suddenly what used to be a pretty damn good CV now seems really lame :(
All the hard-won qualifications are still there of course, but not a lot of experience and many, many years at home. Not for a minute do I regret a minute of that but how on earth do you start to relaunch yourself into the world of work after such a long gap? It sounds almost clich├ęd, not something I thought would apply to me (for some reason) but I really do lack the necessary "returning to work confidence" to go for it.

Luckily for me, I don't have to. This was an "optional extra" and one I have decided to cast aside. For now!

1 comment:

  1. Hi,
    it'd be good for your confidence if you applied and were offered the post. are you good enough? ofcourse.
    will they recognise it, not sure, but don't take that as a kick in the teeth.
    you know you can do it, so go for it !


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